Parental Pet Peeves (And Letting Them Go)

Shout 2
Originally uploaded by andrew_mc_d

Child:  "I'm so, like, gonna have a popsicle." (Thank you Zack, Cody, Hannah, and Sonny.)

"Poop poop poop. Butt butt butt. Poop poop poop. Butt butt butt." (The Terrible Twos have nothing on the Fecal Fives.)

"Say it loud: 'I am a dirtbag!'" (Don't ever watch Over the Hedge if you're not ok with hearing this constantly thereafter.)

"Can I have another cup? This one's stupid." (Thank you Lucy van Pelt.)

Parent: "NICE WORDS, PLEASE..."

You can't stash them away in one of those "Altered States" isolation tanks, it's neither legal nor kind. You can't constantly police this stuff, life's too short and you have better people to be than an insufferable nag.  Personally, I'm keeping close at hand the expression on my kid's face when he orchestrated a thoughtful surprise, and pushing the "That's enough!!!!" line back a few more ticks.

The Difference Between 5 and 44

Einstein could not remember his phone number
Originally uploaded by sujathafan

Parent (Putting child to bed. Trying to remember the three questions we answer each night together: "What did we learn today?" "How did we fill someone's bucket?" and — pausing, struggling hard to remember...)

Child: Reach DEEP into your brain —

Parent: What are we grateful for?

(answer: So very much.)

My 21st Century I-Am-Woman Cred: Gone

Day 235 ~ Well, Not Everything
is More Fun in a Tutu
Originally uploaded by ambrosialove

Child (watching parent pay bills): Whatcha doin'?

Parent: Paying bills.

Child: Why?

Parent: So we have lights, power, water...

Child: I'm never going to pay bills.

Parent: When you're grown up, you will.

Child (imperiously): No — The...Children's...Muthah...Will...Doit.

Parent: (Simultaneously shoots and kicks self for being so slow on the uptake for online bill pay.)

Seventy Is The New Seventeen

It's my dad's birthday! This is a love note for him. Want to give Mel a present? Book a stay at the Little River Inn. Follow the Inn on Twitter. And buy his book. 8~)

Happy 70th Birthday

Ideally, They're One And The Same

Girl Kissing Fish under Water
Originally uploaded by I'm won

Parent (picking up child from a nighttime, kids-only event): Hi, d'ya have fun?

Child: Mom, I met the girl I'm going to marry.

Parent: (pause)

Child: Either that, or have a play date.